“Miles, you look fantastic.”

A good friend came up to me at the gym the other day and said,
“Miles, you look fantastic. You’ve made such an incredible recovery from your cancer.”

She’s right.
During many months of gruelling radiation, chemo and endless hospital procedures, I had lost 20% of my body weight.
And that on an already lean frame.

Since then, I’ve regained all the weight I lost.
And over the past few weeks I’ve even felt my strength tipping past where it was before all of this began.

I’m deeply grateful for her kindness and support for noticing the improvement and celebrating it.

And yet, there it was again.
That familiar deer in headlights feeling.

I felt the urge to change the subject to her, and moved on fast.

It’s a pattern I’ve noticed in myself for years.
Someone offers a genuine compliment and my instinct is to deflect it, return the praise, or move the conversation along.
Not because I doubt the sincerity.

I think it’s more that I was brought up believing modesty is a virtue.
Let the work speak.
Don’t make it about you.

What I’ve come to realise is that for me, compliments trigger a subtle internal tension.
Not about confidence or fear of the limelight.
I’ve always been comfortable on stage, pitching, presenting, leading from the front.
This feels different.

It’s more about values.
Accepting praise can feel like crossing an invisible line between modest self-worth and self-importance…
even when no one else sees it that way.

Over time I’ve learned that the goal for me isn’t to make the discomfort disappear.
It’s to notice it and not let it run the show.

Now I try to pause, stay present, and say thank you without explaining, qualifying, or rushing past the moment.
I don’t need to brag.
But I do try to receive it with gratitude.

I see versions of this in many leaders I work with.
Some deflect praise because they fear complacency.
Some because attention once came with pressure or judgement.
Some because their sense of worth is still tied to what’s next, not what’s already been done.

In coaching, the real work isn’t just about accepting praise, but also about noticing our reaction to it.
When leaders can pause and let appreciation in, it often reduces how hard they are on themselves and how relentlessly they feel they need to perform.

Which brings me back to my friend at the gym.
That compliment was about recovery, strength, and resilience.
Things I’ve worked hard for and been fortunate to have.
I’m still learning to let those moments land without ducking out too quickly.

Progress, like recovery, rarely happens in one clean leap.
It’s usually made up of small, awkward pauses where we stay just a little longer than we used to.