I could feel my whole body tense up and a wave of anger wash over me…

It started early in my career, after I was promoted into my first management role.

Whenever someone on the team made a mistake that had real-world impact, I’d react. And hard.

Like the time a software engineer pushed buggy code live and crashed a client’s website.
Or the eve of a big presentation, when one of the team left early with work unfinished.

They didn’t seem to care.

And I cared too much.

My jaw would clench. My shoulders locked up.
My usually calm, measured self? Gone in an instant.

The story in my head:
“This is going to be a disaster. We’ll lose the client. This person doesn’t give a damn.”

At first, I justified it as high standards.

But then I saw the looks in the room.
No one said anything.  But they didn’t need to.

I wasn’t abusive. But I was intense.
And clearly… not myself.

And to those who felt the sharp edge of that intensity — I’m sorry.

What I didn’t realise: I wasn’t just reacting.
I was being hijacked.

I realised much later there’s a name for it: the amygdala hijack.
Your brain senses threat (even psychological ones like failure, loss, embarrassment) and goes full fight-or-flight. Rational thought? Shut down. Your emotional brain takes over.

Useful when you’re running from a lion.
Not so great when you’re leading a team under pressure.

I wish I’d had a coach. But this was long before that was a thing.
So I worked on it. Slowly.

🧠 I gave myself 8 seconds before speaking.  Enough to pause the surge.
🚪 I took time-outs when I was still flooded.
💨 I built habits to decompress: breathwork, journaling, gym.

It didn’t turn me into a zen monk.
But it gave me space.
And that space changed everything:

• I was more open and curious
• I gave people the benefit of the doubt
• My team became more motivated, loyal, and willing to take smart risks
• And I felt more in control.  And more me

Now, as a coach, I see this pattern often.
Leaders asking:

“Why am I so reactive?”
“Why does this person wind me up so much?”
“Why do I feel like I’m the only one who really cares?”

Together, we dig under the surface.

We explore the physiology.
We unpack the stories behind the reactions.
We build practical, embodied tools; ones that still work when the heat is on.

Some of the questions I ask:
→ What emotion are you feeling here?
→ What’s really being threatened in this moment?
→ What outcome are you trying to protect?
→ What values are being triggered?
→ What would it look like to lead from curiosity, not control?

✨ Reactivity is human.  But it’s not inevitable.
And self-awareness isn’t fluffy. It’s a leadership superpower.