Anxious attachment

If your client treats you like you’re disposable, chances are… you’ve taught them to.

There’s a term in psychology called anxious attachment. It usually comes up in personal relationships and was developed in the 60’s to explain how children develop.  

But lately I’ve been seeing how useful it can be for understanding the dynamics between agencies and clients (and indeed any client/customer relationship).

At its simplest, attachment theory says that healthy relationships are built when both sides hold a positive view of themselves and of the other.
There’s confidence, mutual respect, and the ability to resolve conflict without fear.

But when one side feels in need of the other while doubting themselves, that’s when anxious attachment kicks in.

I often see this in agency–client relationships that are not healthy.
The agency is desperate to keep their client and feels the need to please them.
But underneath, they don’t feel good enough. They’re afraid to lose the account. They hold back from pushing back. They operate on eggshells.

And the client? They pick up on this imbalance. If the agency sees itself as replaceable, the client soon does too. They start to squeeze fees, demand over-servicing, push for tighter deadlines. Margins shrink. Staff morale dips. Creative output suffers.

The agency’s fear of being commoditised ends up creating the very commoditisation they dreaded. A death spiral of insecurity → over-compliance → weaker work → eroded value.

So what’s the route out?

Not more compliance. Not more people-pleasing.
The way forward is true differentiation, and belief in that differentiation. When an agency genuinely knows and believes in the uniqueness of its offer, it changes the whole relationship:

·       The client knows the agency has something they need and is not easily replaceable so they recognise this value and pay for it.

·       So the agency has healthy margins and can invest in talent and technology.

·       Teams feel proud, motivated, and secure.

·       Output improves, which further reinforces the agency’s distinctiveness.

That’s the upward spiral: self-belief → stronger stance → recognised value → investment → better work → more recognition.

Agencies that master this don’t just survive the client relationship. They reset the power dynamic on adult-to-adult terms.  And they build partnerships that are more secure, creative,  sustainable and better for both agency and client.

This is some of the deep business transformation work I do with my clients, shifting power dynamics, building client relationships that last, and creating true differentiation.